How Can I NOT try?

Today's frustration is getting every party involved with baby making...well... involved! My husband is great, let me tell you all that first. He really puts up with a lot and probably knows more than most women even do about how a woman's body works, and the best ways to really get pregnant. If we were having a conversation about the things we are most passionate about, he would talk about video games or track, and I would talk about baby making. And believe it or not after all these years of TTC he actually understands what I am talking about, in the scientifical sense.

It seems that he has the hardest time connecting to the strong desire I have to have another baby. He says he gets it, and I know he tries. But today he mentioned that we "agreed" not to actively try anymore, but just to let what happens happen. Now we did have this conversation last month, because I still wanted to have another cycle come around before actually pursuing this, so I said if it happened last month, then great. Now here we are, I'm gung-ho about doing this, and he is taken all aback because he thought we weren't going to "try."

Honestly, if I could just put all methods on the shelf and just let chance takes it's toll, I would. I envy those so much out there who get pregnant without trying, I've heard so many people say "As soon as you stop trying it happens." But after all I've learned, all the difficulties I've had, and all the time that has gone by since deciding to TTC... How can I NOT try? How can I not take my BBT every morning, and count my days and study my chart, and take vitamins, and excersize and eat right and all those things that will help me get pregnant? DH and I decided to have another baby in February of 2009. That's over a year ago. How can I waste any time at all by being...oh what's the word, all nonchalant about it all?

When we first started trying to conceive our first, I had NO idea how it really worked, And still without using any birth control I had no luck for a YEAR. I'm not playing here!! I know I'm young and have lots of time, but when a woman knows she should have another, there's no stopping her!! It's all I think about, and I even dream about it at night. I wish it wasn't that way, but I want to give my son a little brother or sister, and I long to hold another infant of my own in my arms. There is honestly nothing else I want more than growing my family right now.

All the eggs are in the basket. All preparations have been made financially, insurance is set up, and my heart is ready. Now we just have to wait for that blessing!