Man, as if I don't think about having a baby enough during the day, the thoughts have to continue to bother me while I'm sleeping! I think every night this week I've had some kind of being pregnant dream, or taking a test dream, a miscarriage dream, or an infertility dream. Seriously, and they are so real!
Just last night I had 2 dreams. The first one, I was taking a pregnancy test and it immediately was positive. I was going to go show it to my mom and it blew out of my hand and I went running after it. And for some reason there were no more pregnancy tests to be bought, so no one would believe me that I was pregnant. Weird. LOL. Then, at some point I woke up and went back to sleep.
The next dream I had was me trying to take my temperatures but my thermometer wouldn't go above 95 degrees. I swore up and down that I was pregnant but every test I took came up with an invalid result. Talk about frustrating!!
I woke up this morning sort of discouraged. I had no luck in my dreams and then I got to take my temperature for real and it's still high, but I'd like it to be higher. I really wish I could dream about something else!! I just feel so overwhelmed and even obsessed, and I really am trying NOT to be. As soon as a thought creeps into my mind I push it out, I'd go crazy if I didn't.
But being discouraged this morning brought out my ranty feelings that I try to suppress. I know I shouldn't feel like I am owed anything in this life, but I can't help but feel like it's my time to get what we've been trying for and praying for for 14 months now! I know it's wrong to be jealous of others who have what I want, but it makes me crazy to hear "We weren't even trying" or "All he has to do is look at me and I get pregnant." I feel like I have made every right choice I possibly could with my life, and that I've got my ducks in a row financially and with health insurance... My heart has so much room left to love another baby or several babies, and it is so hard having to deal with this struggle. It really is. Ugh. Sorry guys, just ranting a little.
And if you are one of those who got pregnant first try or on accident and you think I'm being rude or spiteful, I'm really not. I just hate how SOME people take their ability and gift of getting and staying pregnant for granted. I would totally wish for all the morning sickness in the world, the dry hair, the weight gain, the uncomfortable-ness, I'd take it all and never complain because it is literally a miracle that you are pregnant. I will never take it for granted.
Anyways, that's my 9DPO rant. Thanks for bearing with me! :)
Hey guys. I went through some issues with my chart, it says I ovulated on day 17, when I'm pretty sure it was on CD16...so I found out how to adjust my chart and things should be correct now. That means I'm 6 DPO today. I've read everywhere that the egg will usually implant around day 6-10...and I've been having some cramping today, so maybe that's a good sign? Temps are still up, and I spent some time today dry-heaving over the toilet because my lunch did not sit well with me almost as soon as I ate it. Probably too early for any real symptoms, but I'm crossing my fingers! Not obsessing about it all yet, and that's good. I am trying to keep my mind off it all so the TWW goes by faster. Anyways, that's about it for today... I think I'm gonna go! TTYL!
Hello all,
So far the TWW hasn't been so bad. Haha, I'm only 3 days in, but I'm not too worried about it all...yet. From what I read the egg stays in the fallopian tubes for about 3 days before it enters the uterus. But during that time, it's growing and the cells are splitting and all kinds of cool stuff. That is, IF we caught the egg. I don't know. I can't help but worry we missed it...but only time will tell. Anywho... so after those 3 days it enters the uterus and impants, usually around 6-10 DPO...seems like a long time in between, but I guess that's how it is. Once it implants, that's the earliest you can be getting symptoms (around 10DPO).
Also, something I learned yesterday, for all you charters out there, you will probably have a temperature dip on the day it implants, or a temperature rise to a new degree. Interesting!
Below is a pic of fertilization. It is computer generated of course.
This is a pic of implantation of the embryo on the uterine wall. I've read that if you were to take a fine tipped pen, and make a dot on a piece of paper, that's how big the egg is when it implants. Crazy huh?
If you just loved these pics and wanna see more, I got them from this blog post.
Today's frustration is getting every party involved with baby making...well... involved! My husband is great, let me tell you all that first. He really puts up with a lot and probably knows more than most women even do about how a woman's body works, and the best ways to really get pregnant. If we were having a conversation about the things we are most passionate about, he would talk about video games or track, and I would talk about baby making. And believe it or not after all these years of TTC he actually understands what I am talking about, in the scientifical sense.
It seems that he has the hardest time connecting to the strong desire I have to have another baby. He says he gets it, and I know he tries. But today he mentioned that we "agreed" not to actively try anymore, but just to let what happens happen. Now we did have this conversation last month, because I still wanted to have another cycle come around before actually pursuing this, so I said if it happened last month, then great. Now here we are, I'm gung-ho about doing this, and he is taken all aback because he thought we weren't going to "try."
Honestly, if I could just put all methods on the shelf and just let chance takes it's toll, I would. I envy those so much out there who get pregnant without trying, I've heard so many people say "As soon as you stop trying it happens." But after all I've learned, all the difficulties I've had, and all the time that has gone by since deciding to TTC... How can I NOT try? How can I not take my BBT every morning, and count my days and study my chart, and take vitamins, and excersize and eat right and all those things that will help me get pregnant? DH and I decided to have another baby in February of 2009. That's over a year ago. How can I waste any time at all by being...oh what's the word, all nonchalant about it all?
When we first started trying to conceive our first, I had NO idea how it really worked, And still without using any birth control I had no luck for a YEAR. I'm not playing here!! I know I'm young and have lots of time, but when a woman knows she should have another, there's no stopping her!! It's all I think about, and I even dream about it at night. I wish it wasn't that way, but I want to give my son a little brother or sister, and I long to hold another infant of my own in my arms. There is honestly nothing else I want more than growing my family right now.
All the eggs are in the basket. All preparations have been made financially, insurance is set up, and my heart is ready. Now we just have to wait for that blessing!
