Sometimes when I think about having another baby I get very overwhelmed. I have a two year old and he has more energy bottled up inside him than a roman candle. He refuses to potty train even though he knows what he is supposed to do, he wakes me up at the crack of dawn every morning, and he talks every minute of the day he is awake. He exhausts me. How on earth would I be able to manage 2 of him? When I was pregnant last summer with pregnancy #4, I had these thoughts a lot. I hate to admit that I was a little less thrilled about the fact I was pregnant - Even though we had been trying actively for months. Once the reality hit me that I was actually going to have another baby I got very stressed out. Since that loss, I have realized more than ever that I would love another child. And the main reason I am excited for that, is my son.
As tiring and exhausting as he is, he is the light of my world. Nothing in this world makes me happier than being his Mommy. I love that it is my name he calls out when he has a bad dream, or when he has a boo boo. I love that he comes up to me randomly and kisses my arm or cheek. I love watching him grow and learn. I never would have guessed the joy I would feel when someone said their first sentance ("What do you want?" in this case :)). The fact that I taught him his colors, and that he can pick out certain letters off of the signs in front of stores, the fact that he can tell me what animals say... it is amazing to see that I played a roll in that. I am so proud of all the things he is learning to do every day. I think he is so cute sometimes I just want to squeeze the heck out of him. He gets so much attention everywhere we go because of his massive eyelashes and big brown eyes. I just love nothing more than being his mother.
The reason I am trying to have baby number 2, may be selfish, but I want to feel that feeling x2. I want to be a Mom to another baby. I want Cohen to know the joy there is in having brothers and sisters. There is a hole in our family that needs to be filled, and that hole is very prominent in my eyes and is almost shouting at me to fill it. I cannot wait for this dream to become a reality. I deserve this. Cohen deserves this. Our family deserves this. Am I wrong for thinking we deserve something? At the risk of striking a nerve with someone, we have gone about having our family the right way. We dated, got married, then had a baby. We've gotten our insurance straight, made sure we are financially able to care for a baby, and made all those necessary preparations before trying for #2. We've gone about this all the right way, so why hasn't it happened for us? That is why I think we deserve this. And I know it's all up to God and his will, and truly I understand it and trust it will happen in his time, but the natural woman in me can't help but feel that way. Anyways, thanks for listening to another vent. Chao!
I came across this book at the library, it's called The Conception Chronicles. I was pleased to find a book about TTC, that wasn't all text-booky. This one is raw, blunt humor about the roller coaster of TTC. It was so funny at some times. I really enjoyed reading it, I read it cover to cover in a day.Some of my favorite highlights from the book:
On the topic of Timed Intercourse: "Since when did sex have to be special for him? In your old life, your husband could have one leg caught in a bear trap and would still somehow manage to have sex if you showed even the slightest interest." Absolutely hilarious, and true! lol
"Slutty Saturdays"- Trying to make the baby marathon less work by trying to spice up the romance with lingerie? It gets tiring when your 3 day window turns into 10 days of safety net, dubbing Saturday as "Slutty Saturday" reserving that to be the only day you have to strap yourself into something that doubles as a rock climbing harness. (I love this, it is so funny to me)
There's also a chapter about how to deal with "Fertile Foes" and those are the women who flaunt their obvious fertility in your face. That's a good chapter b/c I've encountered my fair share of those!!
Anywho...just my lil' book review. Enjoy!
BTW, I'm 9DPO today...just a few more days till testing! I can't say for sure if I feel pregnant or not though. Like every month I've gone back and forth and can't really say for sure. As far as symptoms go, I have a little nausea that started yesterday, and I pee a lot, but that one isn't such a good sign or not b/c I have waaay too much juice in my fridge and I always have a drink nearby. I was starving the other day only 10 minutes after I was full, and I've been a little on the sleepy side, which again isn't a good indicator since my 2 year old wakes me up daily at the crack of dawn by putting his nose against my nose and says "Mommy. Wake up!" LOL. Only time will tell. Very tempted to hit up the pharmacy and get me a first response since those are the most accurate test and give an early response, but I have sworn to wait until AF is due to test, which will be Saturday. I can do this!! lol.
Ok, so I'm a big fan of the show Family Guy. There's an episode where the baby, Stewie, doesn't want his parents to have another baby, so he jumps in this little spaceship thing, shrinks down, and goes into Peter (his Dad's body) to destroy all his sperm. It's really funny. My husband and I like to joke sometimes that our son does the same thing Stewie does in this clip (kill the sperm) because getting pregnant isn't that easy for me. Sorry about the bad quality, this is the only clip I could find.
Man, as if I don't think about having a baby enough during the day, the thoughts have to continue to bother me while I'm sleeping! I think every night this week I've had some kind of being pregnant dream, or taking a test dream, a miscarriage dream, or an infertility dream. Seriously, and they are so real!
Just last night I had 2 dreams. The first one, I was taking a pregnancy test and it immediately was positive. I was going to go show it to my mom and it blew out of my hand and I went running after it. And for some reason there were no more pregnancy tests to be bought, so no one would believe me that I was pregnant. Weird. LOL. Then, at some point I woke up and went back to sleep.
The next dream I had was me trying to take my temperatures but my thermometer wouldn't go above 95 degrees. I swore up and down that I was pregnant but every test I took came up with an invalid result. Talk about frustrating!!
I woke up this morning sort of discouraged. I had no luck in my dreams and then I got to take my temperature for real and it's still high, but I'd like it to be higher. I really wish I could dream about something else!! I just feel so overwhelmed and even obsessed, and I really am trying NOT to be. As soon as a thought creeps into my mind I push it out, I'd go crazy if I didn't.
But being discouraged this morning brought out my ranty feelings that I try to suppress. I know I shouldn't feel like I am owed anything in this life, but I can't help but feel like it's my time to get what we've been trying for and praying for for 14 months now! I know it's wrong to be jealous of others who have what I want, but it makes me crazy to hear "We weren't even trying" or "All he has to do is look at me and I get pregnant." I feel like I have made every right choice I possibly could with my life, and that I've got my ducks in a row financially and with health insurance... My heart has so much room left to love another baby or several babies, and it is so hard having to deal with this struggle. It really is. Ugh. Sorry guys, just ranting a little.
And if you are one of those who got pregnant first try or on accident and you think I'm being rude or spiteful, I'm really not. I just hate how SOME people take their ability and gift of getting and staying pregnant for granted. I would totally wish for all the morning sickness in the world, the dry hair, the weight gain, the uncomfortable-ness, I'd take it all and never complain because it is literally a miracle that you are pregnant. I will never take it for granted.
Anyways, that's my 9DPO rant. Thanks for bearing with me! :)
Ok, just a quick little blog here, I came across this website and I have to say it's just fascinating! Not that I'm looking into these measures, but I just stumbled upon it. It covers all kinds of fertility treatments including IUI, IVF, ICI, and egg donation. It is very detailed and informative, and also gives costs of such treatments. It's all good to know if you are considering fertility procedures.
This post is merely for my own curiosity, as I was in the pharmacy aisle today I saw a over the counter at-home fertility test. Basically, you pee on the stick like a pregnancy or ovulation kit and it tells you if you can get pregnant or not. I was instantly curious. Now, I don't consider myself to be infertile by any means, I mean I dont seem to have the issue of GETTING pregnant, my issue lies in STAYING pregnant, but for all those women out there who are TTC for a year or more might worry if they are or not. If you are under 35, and healthy, and same with your spouse, you would want to see a fertility specialist after atleast a year of not conceiveing. If you are over 35, they say after 6 months of TTC you should see one. But in the meantime, if you are on like your 8th month TTC, and you wanna take matters into your own hands, you may wanna take one of these: How does it work? According to the FirstResponse Website, this fertility test measures the amount of Follicle Stimulating Hormone, (FSH), in your urine. FSH is a hormone that is directly connected to your ovaries and egg production. It tells your body to produce an egg. If your levels are normal, you have enough eggs to consider yourself fertile. If your FSH is elevated, that means your body is producing more of the hormone to convince your body to prepare and release an egg, meaning you don't have very many or have a limited supply. Wow, betcha never realized your urine could tell you so many things!
How and when do you take it? On day 3 of your cycle. So, you should take this while on your period. This is the prime time to take this test. Hold it in your urine stream for 5 seconds, replace cap, and wait 30 minutes. Yes, it's longer than a pregnancy test, but I think this process is a little more in-depth. After the 30 minutes have passed you will see either one line or two. This is one test where you want to see only ONE line! That means your FSH levels are normal and you have enough eggs to be considered fertile. If you see two lines, it means there is an elevated amount of FSH and so you may have a low supply of eggs and you might consider seeing a fertility specialist.
Does it Work? Now that's the million dollar question. I think it accurately detects the FSH hormone. I don't it lies about that in it's claim to 95% accuracy. I think that's true. However, not all fertility issues lie in egg production. There several things that contribute to infertility such as PCOS, Endometriosis, even being over/underweight, low progesterone levels, and so much more. And according to www. MedicineNet.com only 1/3 of infertility cases are because of female issues.
Would I Recommend? If you are healthy, have no signs or history of PCOS, Endometriosis, or other things that can interfere with fertility, then I say go for it. If anything it is a way to rule out one possible cause and give you a sense of relief in that department. But I could caution that you take your result with a grain of salt, because just like in a pregnancy test, there could be false positives, or false negatives. If you have $25-40 to spare it couldn't hurt. But if you are doing it to avoid seeing a fertility specialist, it won't save you money in the long run, because you should see one anyways regardless of your result.
I don't think I will buy one though. If you have tried one, please let me know your experience.
